LIFESTYLE | If You Can't Be Kind Be Quiet

If you can't be kind be quiet

A bit of a different post today but one that I've been wanting to write for a long while. There's always been a little cattiness in the blogging community but lately it's starting to get worse and it's poisoning what should be a fun and supportive place. It's still just a minority doing it, on the whole people are lovely and supportive  but there are a few ruining it. Helen completely nailed it in her recent post and I urge you all to read it, especially if you're one of those ones who likes to vent about others on Twitter. 

We're all entitled to an opinion but people need to ask themselves if it's really necessary to air them. What good will it do anyone by putting someone else's work down? There are thousands of blogs out there yet some people seem to mainly focus on the ones they don't like which is silly. They're the same people who turn every Twitter chat into one big bitching fest, especially when it's to do with PR samples or sponsored posts. It makes me laugh because you just know that if they had the opportunity to earn a bit of cash or review something for free they'd grab it with both hands. I find it pointless when they complain about 'big bloggers' posting the same things, well obviously when there's a new release they're going to blog about's their job! And if they all say they like it and you try it and hate it this doesn't make them liars or mean a product is overhyped. We all know skincare/beauty is subjective so it doesn't mean they aren't being genuine, it just means different things work for different people. I hate Nutella but my friend is obsessed, I'm not going to call her a liar when she says it tastes good! And I don't like seeing people question why a blog is 'popular' when it's content is 'mediocre'...clearly a lot of people like it and find it interesting otherwise they wouldn't read it. We all have different tastes and just because people love what you hate doesn't make them all wrong or 'sheep', I think it's actually very arrogant to think that. And if someone wants to blog about high end make up then that's up to them, I'm pretty sure they're not bitching about you and your drugstore buys. I mean I love Mulberry's and would never get a bag off the high street but that's just my preference, I don't care if someone buys their bags from Primark. And where people get the money to buy their things is absolutely none of your business.

I'm not usually one to focus on the negatives or get involved with drama (which is why all this bitchiness confuses me so much) but if there's one thing that really irks me it's lack of sisterhood and I hate seeing other people get so down about this. It's no surprise that most of this criticism is aimed at people who are full time bloggers, some girls have a real problem acknowledging and celebrating other girls successes. It annoys me so much, like if you asked a group of  blokes who are football fans about Ronaldo they'll probably say they don't like him but they'd still say he's a cracking footballer and will recognise his achievements. Why can't most girls do this? Why instead of sniping away at people like Zoella can they not just be like 'Her blog isn't to my taste but good on her for making a career out of blogging' instead of becoming obsessed with slagging her off? It isn't easy to make blogging your full time thing no matter what people think, I mean if it was then surely we'd all be doing it. No one should be put on a pedestal but we should admire the fact that girls are forging these careers, I mean how amazing to be self employed at such a young age too? It's a massive step forward for women I think! 

Basically, if you have nothing nice to say then just don't say it. I do think that the people that are nasty aren't very happy with themselves because when you're confident and content with your life you have no need to hate on just don't think like that! But to belittle is to be little so they're not helping themselves, honestly the best way to cheer yourself up is by cheering someone else give a little love and it all comes back to you and all that! So next time you type that negative tweet think before you hit publish.

Josie x



  1. Well said Josie, couldn't have put it better myself! I think what annoys me most, is when someone follows a blog when they don't like it.. why follow in the first place?!! Like you say, there are so many blogs out there, many so small and unrecognised. There is something for everyone! Jealousy is an ugly thing, and those people are clearly unhappy with their own lives! xxx

  2. Such a brilliant written blog post and so bloody true. The point about men getting behind those who are doing well is so true and women slagging of those who they should be supporting. Why do people find it neccessery to reval in being unkind to others? Bloggers who are successfully have worked bloody hard, it didn't come over night and should be supportive of their success. The world is big enough for everyone. Lucy x

  3. So well said! Helen said before that we should all pledge to comment on at least ten blogs a day and I think that that is a great way to spread some positivity. We're taught as girls that we need to compete with one another for everything, but we need to make a conscious effort to applaud one another for our achievements and celebrate how freakin' awesome we can be. Great post as per girl, big hugs xxx

  4. I totally agree with you! I think the big issue is that women are so often pitted against one another in the media, it's a really snide attitude they sell to us, that we all have to 'compete' with one another. Probably because if we all banded together and got along we'd be totally unstoppable! Blogging is SO important for women, we've finally got this space where we can talk openly about beauty, fashion, lifestyle etc. free from media bias and the anti-woman sentiments that runs throughout a lot of the media. We get to see such a range of people through blogging, with different experiences and appearances, that is so often erased in the media. So it really sucks that a lot of women are still so brainwashed by that media bias that they bring it into a community that is otherwise so great and potentially really powerful. Blogging will go down in the history books as one of the mediums by which people were able to take a bit of power and agency back for themselves, as opposed to continuously being sold ideas by a few people high up in the ranks of media and publishing.

    Obviously, I'm very passionate about this so forgive me for rambling! I see very little point in negativity altogether, I'm a pretty proactive person and I'm also very sensitive, so negativity really drags me down. It's best for everyone if I steer clear of it, but if there's one thing I've learned it's that there will always be a few people who are petty and miserable, and no matter how much you try to help them or discuss the issue, they never change. I think really it's a negativity that begins with them & their own jealousies & insecurities. I just do my best to ignore those sorts in the end, they're never worth the energy!

  5. Agree, agree, agree, agree. My mother always told me if I can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, and it rings so true. There is space for everyone in the blogging world, and people should be supportive of other's success which never comes for free!

    Beccy ~

  6. As Tina Fey said, “It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good."

    Great post, Josie.

    PS I love Zoella.

  7. Definitely food for thought for all the negative people. Too much time spent on bringing down others when it could be spent building their own lives. We should celebrate that blogging is having such a positive successful impact on everyday lives and opening the doors to amazing opportunities. Log out, unfollow or turn your computer off if you have nothing better to say but *moan moan moan* lol :) well said Josie! x

  8. Jade The Style Rawr25 June 2014 at 11:44

    Dead on point Josie. Hating is such an ugly trait!
    J x

  9. ElleSees.blogspot.com25 June 2014 at 11:48

    excellent! it comes down to jealousy and insecurity. guys don't act like this!

  10. I hate nastiness and bitchiness and you're right there's so much of it around, but I notice it so much more in every day situations rather than online or blogging. People can obviously have opinions, and personally I welcome constructive criticism for my blog but when it gets bitchy it's just unnecessary. I don't know how it can be handled though because on a larger, whole world kind of scale there's so much hatred an it's such a big thing that I strive against in my life being the victim of bullies I always try and push people to bring positivity into the world instead of more hate. Unfortunetely though some will never learn and I think we have to just rise above it until the world becomes a better place xo

  11. Totally agree with you on this! I hate the bitchiness and negativity that surrounds blogging at the moment - to be honest, I keep out of it and just ignore it all. Ignorance is bliss sometimes!! Blogging should be a free and open community xxx

  12. I completely agree with you Josie and thanks for bringing this into light, there is no place for negativity in the blogging world, we should be here to support each other and bring each other positive motivation, not bring each other down. Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by :)

  13. I loved Helen's post and this one hits the nail on the head too! We aren't always going to agree with each other but that doesn't give anyone the right to be nasty - like you say, if you can't be kind, be quiet. You can have differences without being rude; it'd be boring if everyone had the same opinion!
    The whole PR Sample thing has always baffled me too. As long as a review is honest then I don't care whether it was a PR Sample or not.
    Luckily I've found that the majority of bloggers I've come across have been sweet and supportive but you've made some very valid points :) xx

  14. "Girls compete with one another, women encourage one another."

  15. wow great post, go Josie!! So well written and it's totally true, I don't see too much that goes on because I sometimes go without checking Twitter for days but I have seen a fair bit of bitchiness lately. Blogging is a hobby for most people and hobbies are meant to be fun and enjoyable so I don't get why some people focus on putting others down, it can't make them feel better about themselves or make them the better blogger! Slagging off bigger bloggers is ridiculous too, I think it's awful what some people say about Zoella etc, if people don't like/ are jealous of what they see on blogs then they shouldn't bother looking! It's really sad that a minority of people can make so many feel hurt and upset, they need to look at themselves and ask if it's actually making them feel better to slag others off. Rant over ;) hahah xx

  16. Leah (Just Me Leah)25 June 2014 at 23:04

    Well said Josie. I'm quite disillusioned with blogging at the moment. I see bitching too and I have the attitude that if I have nothing nice to say about someone's post or blog, I keep my damn mouth shut. The trouble is these days everyone thinks their opinion is 24 carat gold and they're doing you a favour by giving you the benefit of it. Pffffft. x

    Just Me Leah

  17. Well said hun, i've noticed alot of people going on about the 'big bloggers' lately saying quite negative things and you couldn't of worded it better at the end of the day it is there job to blog about new products it's what they are paid to do! There are plenty of blogs out there so i also don't understand why people choose to go on about specific people when theres plently of blogs to read! really enjoyed reading this post!

    Jess x

  18. Unfortunately shit happens to everyone-the point is how we get stronger out of every situation and how not to let others get us down ;)



  19. I love this comment! It's all so true x

  20. That IS bizarre! I remember your post about it, I'm so sorry it's still going on. It's nothing to do with you personally, you just happened to be the first blog she found probably. I hope it doesn't upset you too much x

  21. So very proud of you Josie for being so refreshingly honest and heartfelt about such an important, not to mention relevant, issue. At the moment bitchiness seems to be rife and it was so upsetting when all that rubbish blew up several weeks ago. There's a difference between having an opinion and slagging others off just for the hell of it, and sadly a lot of people it seems can't tell the two apart. It seems whenever someone is praised be it on any sort of social media platform, that there has to be one person who ruins it for them with petty jealousy.

    The beauty of blogging is diversity and the range of a mix of bloggers and topics. It seems people forget that's what a blog is after all; a personal diary to be yourself, and not anything but. I just can't for the life of me understand why the bitchiness is so rife and apparent, especially now blogs are worldwide and established. You'd think people would have got past that, and realised we can't all like the same blogs, but there are plenty to choose from so why not focus on the ones they like, instead of destroying the ones they don't?!

    I was chatting to a guy on the flight back from LA, and we were talking about negativity and how the people who radiate it must be so unhappy from within to be so critical of others. Funny how you never see the most successful people slagging others off, I think jealousy is such an ugly thing!

    Congratulations again on such a wonderful piece of writing, you go girl! <3

    Sophie | soinspo xo

  22. helen at thelovecatsinc27 June 2014 at 20:05

    so sorry i haven't commented on this post until now! i'm so, so glad you decided to write it as i agree with every single point you've made. a popular blog wouldn't be popular if their content was rubbish (as lots of people must think it's good for it to be popular in the first place!), so i completely agree that it's arrogant to think that just because you don't like it that everyone else is wrong. people annoy me so much when they do that! i genuinely hate the arrogance of some people and how they think their opinion matters over everyone else's. i see it all of the time on instagram (especially fitness accounts) where people feel the need to voice their bitter opinions for no reason other than to put someone down and i wish i could reach through my phone and give them a good slap haha xoxox

  23. I totally agree, the Nutella analogy was brilliant and utterly relateable on so many levels, too!


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