Blogmas Day #24 | This Time Last Year

So let's do a little rewind to this time last year - it was the last day of a two week course of intense IVs (4x a day attached to a drip for 2 hours at a time at least) and just before that I'd been in hospital for nearly two months. It wasn't long after I'd been told I needed new lungs but it was before I found out whether I could actually be listed for transplant or not so I was stuck in this weird limbo. Despite it being the most wonderful time of year, I was not in a wonderful place mentally. I was so scared, wondering whether this would be my last Christmas. So I tried my best to enjoy the day, thinking that if it was going to be my last one I'd better make the bloody most of it and whilst I had fun (because my family are the best) the anxiety and worry was still bubbling underneath the surface, I think it was for everyone to be honest. I spent the day attached to my oxygen machine, unable to eat much and trying not to fall asleep all whilst feeling like absolute poop. 

But how different this year will be! People say transplant is life changing but after a lifetime of being ill I just couldn't quite imagine just how good things would be - I've honestly never experienced life like this and sometimes it just doesn't feel real. This time last year I got out of breath putting my shoes on, yesterday I went for a 6 and a half mile walk with Freddydog. It was by accident because I got lost, but still! I was not one bit out of puff, the only thing that slowed me down was my legs getting tired towards the end just like anyone else's would. And that's just something 'small', imagine when I can do even more (although we all know the little moments are really the big ones!) But tomorrow I'll be playing with Baby Florrie and my cousins without oxygen tubes getting in the way and the only reason I'll be feeling sleepy is because I'll have stuffed my face with ALL the food. I cannot wait!

I've seen a lot of people saying how 2016 has been the worst and whilst a lot of awful things have happened I'm ending the year with more faith in other human beings. Yes, there are bad people in the world but there are also, far more I believe, amazing heroes that you just don't hear about. People like the hospital staff who looked after me before, during and after transplant. My loved ones, who stayed by my side throughout everything. People who I've only 'met' online and people that I've never met at all sending all their love and kind wishes. And people like my donor and their family, who chose to save the life of someone they've never met. There really is no greater gift to receive and tomorrow I'll be raising a glass to them and being extra thankful for what they've done for me, Like every day, I won't be forgetting that without them I wouldn't be here now. 

So for my last post for blogmas I'd like to wish you a very merry Christmas, whether you celebrate it or not I hope you still have a happy day - life is to be lived and we must all make it a day to appreciate what really matters in life. Not presents, as fab as they are, but love. Sorry for the cheese (did someone say cheese? 🐷) 


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